FOMO vs. JOMO: Choose Joy
The fear of missing out — or FOMO — entered the cultural lexicon a few years ago and quickly became a helpful shorthand for that anxious, nagging feeling that you should be doing something. You know, just in case something fun, cool, or memorable happens.
But when we take a closer look, FOMO isn’t just about missing out on fun. It often carries an underlying sense of obligation — the pressure to say yes even when your heart (or your energy level) says no.
Sometimes it sounds like:
“Well, I don’t really want to go, but what if I miss something great?”
Or:
“Everyone else will be there… I probably should too.”
Cue the internal panic at the idea of your friends laughing about something next week that you won’t understand because you weren’t there.
DISCLAIMER: I am a licensed clinical psychologist, and the information provided here is for general informational and educational purposes only. While I aim to share helpful and thoughtful content, reading this blog does not establish or imply a therapist-client relationship between us.
If you are experiencing a mental health crisis, please seek immediate help from a licensed professional or contact emergency services in your area. This blog should not be a substitute for professional mental health care or personalized guidance.
For personalized support or therapy services, please reach out directly to a licensed mental health provider in your area.
FOMO and the Pressure to Say Yes
Here’s the thing: FOMO can lead you to do things you don’t actually want to do. Maybe it’s pushing yourself to go to three social events in one weekend when your tank is already running low. Maybe it’s agreeing to hit up a haunted house even though jump scares are your personal nightmare. You show up, go through the motions, but deep down you know you’d be happier wrapped in a blanket on your couch with snacks and a show you’ve watched three times already.
When It's Okay to Say No
Let me say it clearly:
It’s okay to say no.
It’s okay not to attend every single thing you’re invited to.
(A gentle nudge for my fellow people-pleasers out there… are you listening?)
Discovering the Joy of Missing Out
As an introvert, I was delighted when I discovered the term that lives on the other side of this coin: JOMO — the Joy of Missing Out.
What is JOMO, Really?
JOMO is that sweet sense of contentment and peace you feel when you skip an event and know it was absolutely the right call. Maybe you needed a break. Maybe the event just wasn’t your vibe. Maybe staying home brought more joy than going out ever could have.
Joy of Missing Out Examples in Real Life
Imagine seeing your friends’ Instagram posts from the weekend camping trip. They look happy, the scenery is gorgeous — and you feel no regret at all. Because if you had gone, you’d be itchy from mosquito bites, allergic to every blooming plant in a three-mile radius, and waking up sore from a night on the hard ground. Instead, you’re cozied up on your couch, air conditioning humming, surrounded by soft pillows and zero bugs. Bliss.
JOMO and FOMO
The point isn’t that you’re either a FOMO or JOMO person. Most of us experience both at different times. What matters is understanding your why.
Why are you saying yes? Is it because you genuinely want to connect or have a good time – or is it because you feel pressure, guilt, or fear of exclusion if you don’t?
Why are you saying no? Is it because you recognize your needs for space and rest – or is it because you are avoiding something that you might actually find meaningful?
Let Your Needs Guide You — Not Fear
There is no one right answer. Your needs and preferences might change day to day and depending on the context, such as your mood, health, or energy level. And your desires may not always be aligned with those around you. All of that is okay. That’s normal. That’s human.
So, tune in.
Notice what fills your cup and what drains it. (Need help with this? Read How To Do a Personal Energy Audit)
When to Get Support with Boundaries and Burnout
If you’re someone who struggles to set boundaries — especially if you lean toward introversion or people-pleasing — support can help. I love working with clients on these very issues. You don’t have to figure it out alone.
